Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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