Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
