I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
