shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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