Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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