Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
