I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
