I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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