Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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