Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
