Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
