Ambien. No doubt about it.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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