i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
