Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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