Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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