She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize