i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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