in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
