Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
