Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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