i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
