I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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