How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
