I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
