um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
