My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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