Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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