its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
