Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
