They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
