Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
