All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
time to smoke my breakfast
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
