my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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