it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
