Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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