There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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