I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
