So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
