apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
