would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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