i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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