I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
