hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
