They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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