Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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