Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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