I wanna bring you to show and tell
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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