youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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