If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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