Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
