I have demons in me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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