...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
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So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
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She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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