so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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