All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
