well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
