I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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