I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
