This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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