I heard we made out
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize
