help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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