I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
