Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
