I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
farters have to be the big spoon...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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