The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
