You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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