he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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