should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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