i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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