I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
