My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
