Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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