I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
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I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
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Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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