I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
where am i from again
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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