mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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