I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
